Exploring the Absence of Belonging

As a new immigrant, my journey in the Canadian postsecondary education system was defined by the challenges of acclimatizing to both the workplace culture and the demands of my job while striving to establish a sense of belonging. To ensure job security and navigate this unfamiliar educational system, I rapidly adapted by refraining from discussing my family and the trials of being a new immigrant and avoiding raising questions about incorrect or unjust practices. Every time I introduced myself, my colleagues seemed to struggle with pronouncing my name, and a few asked if I had a nickname. Afy became my first nickname; at the time, I liked it since I didn’t have to see their faces change and hear them make fun of my name. All of these adjustments were means of survival, allowing me to blend in and appear more assimilated within the workplace environment, even though they meant sacrificing parts of my identity and authenticity.

I also learned not to get too close and comfortable too soon. One day I joined colleagues for coffee shortly after being hired in a role, and I started opening up and sharing some of my challenges as a new immigrant. One of my colleagues told me to go back to my country to avoid the issues and didn’t even let me complete my sentence. I soon found out that, no matter how determined and eager I was to learn and grow, I was treated as a second-class citizen. When I worked hard to show my potential, I was told “not to be a tall tulip in a field of tulips, or you will be cut.” I have found that, for women of colour, self-doubt and the feeling that we don’t belong can be even more pronounced in this field. As Tulshyan and Burey (2021) state, the intersection of race and gender often places us in a risky position at work. Many of us across the world are implicitly—in my case explicitly—told that we don’t belong in white- and male-dominated workplaces.

Limited Representation in Senior Leadership and the Glass Ceiling

Another persistent challenge that I confronted was the striking lack of representation of racialized women in senior leadership positions within academic institutions and in the field of online learning and distance education. The glass ceiling (Johns, 2013) seemed to be almost impenetrable, maintaining a status quo that hindered diversity and perpetuated a cycle of inequity. Hiring practices present significant barriers for women and minorities when it comes to advancing to senior management positions. My experience has been that most institutions promote employees from within. Even when women manage to overcome the recruitment obstacle, they often encounter organizational and cultural barriers, including various gender-related communication styles, behaviours, and socialization practices. Furthermore, numerous barriers in the career pipeline hinder women’s attainment of top positions. These obstacles include a lack of mentoring, roles with limited growth prospects, differences in performance evaluation and hiring criteria, and limited access to informal communication networks (Johns, 2013).

Women continue to be systematically disadvantaged, and it is clear to me that it is the whole structure of an organization in which we work (Iverson, 2011) that holds women back. Previous life experiences showed me that getting to a leadership position in my field was almost impossible; my ceiling as a racialized woman was definitely lower, and it was made not of glass but of concrete.

After dedicating numerous years of hard work and feeling drained by the systemic obstacles and difficulties, I decided to explore alternative avenues for personal and leadership growth. I realized that a formal title wasn’t a prerequisite for leadership. So I embarked on a journey to make strides and lead from within the organization, opting to volunteer with national organizations and engage in collaborative research and publication. Notably, all of my leadership roles in the field of distance and online learning were on a voluntary basis. In the following section, I elaborate how I successfully navigated these challenges and transitioned into a role of leading from the middle.

Leading from the Middle (Overcoming Challenges)

My journey toward embracing my identity and leading from the middle has been both a personal and a professional evolution. Initially, I faced the challenge of not always feeling fully seen or heard within educational spaces. I recognized that my unique perspective brought a valuable dimension to my role. To overcome the lack of belonging, I sought opportunities for self-growth and empowerment, committing to dialogues and initiatives that encouraged diversity and inclusion. By engaging in education and fostering open dialogue, I not only discovered my own voice but also transformed into a guiding source of encouragement and motivation for my peers. Embracing my identity allowed me to connect authentically with my colleagues and community members, particularly those from marginalized groups who saw in me a role model who had worked hard to overcome similar challenges. I have learned that leading from the middle is about being a bridge between community members and the institution, advocating for equitable opportunities, and fostering a sense of belonging for all. By embracing my identity and sharing my experiences, I have helped to create a more inclusive and empathetic educational environment in which everyone feels valued and empowered to succeed.

I think that to lead you do not need a leadership title but empathy, communication skills, vision, and multi-tasking abilities. Self-acceptance, self-development, and alliance building are a few strategies that have helped me to grow and lead from the middle. To lead, you need to be open to new experiences, listen to people, seek advice, heed criticism, and not give up.

I recognize the significance of seeking mentorship from pioneering women who have shattered the glass ceiling and are enthusiastic about mentoring the next generation. I find that, the more ways in which I develop myself, the broader my skill set and the greater my success. Finding opportunities to learn and connect with experts in my field was one of the most important factors for me to overcome my challenges. Looking upward for allies and mentors is crucial because those managers and executives regularly interact with other higher-level people and can sing your praises when the opportunity arises. However, I found it very difficult to find Black, Indigenous, and people of colour (BIPOC) allies when looking upward since there are just a few in those leadership positions.

Women who want to advance their careers and move into leadership roles must realize that the relationships they cultivate and nurture are among their most valuable assets in achieving their career aspirations. The effectiveness of alliances and mentorships depends on the influence that one can harness from them (Mackey, 2018).

Through unwavering dedication to my values and a commitment to accessible and inclusive teaching and learning, I had the honour of being named one of the recipients of the 2022 Envisioning Equality awards at UBC. This prestigious award, one of the first of its kind, was established to spotlight and celebrate the exceptional contributions of women and gender-diverse faculty and staff members at UBC.

My involvement in networking and volunteering has been particularly rewarding, providing me with more opportunities for leadership than traditional positions offered. Through collaboration across the university, I was able to co-create the UBC Instructional Design Community of Practice, facilitating regular meetings for instructional designers to discuss current topics and challenges. Furthermore, my volunteer work with the CNIE allowed me to establish connections and exchange knowledge with fellow educators across Canada. Specifically, I initiated enhancements in communication processes, including a website redesign and a regular monthly newsletter.

I also played a crucial role in a nationwide collaborative research initiative focused on blended and online learning and teaching in higher education, organized by the Collaboration for Online Higher Education and Research and Athabasca University. This experience further enriched my professional journey. Additionally, I have served in various capacities, including as president, on the UBC Board of Directors for the Association of Administrative and Professional Staff, the largest employee group at UBC. Furthermore, I proudly contribute as a member of the BIPOC Connections Advisory Group at UBC, fostering a sense of community and inclusivity on campus.