Chapter 12 Essay Essentials Structure and Thesis Statements

How Long Should an Essay Be?

The number of body paragraphs that your essay contains will be determined, in part, by the required assignment length and, in part, by the topic you’ve selected. When an author writes a book, she determines the length of the book based on how many words, paragraphs, and chapters are necessary to adequately cover the topic. While it might seem logical to think that the length of an essay should also be determined by the topic, in fact, in a post-secondary setting, the length of an essay is usually determined by the assignment requirements. For example, an instructor might ask for a four-page essay or a ten-page essay (or, perhaps, a 1,000-word essay or a 2,500-word essay). Therefore, the student must narrow the topic sufficiently in order to come up with a specific topic that can be adequately addressed in a short essay. It’s important to stay within the assignment guidelines because many instructors will deduct marks for an essay that is too long or too short. While writing an essay, if you find that you have written too much, chances are you haven’t narrowed your topic sufficiently. Return to Chapter 10 for help with this.

Transforming a Topic into a Working Thesis Statement

As we discussed in Chapter 10, choosing and narrowing a topic is an important first step in writing an essay, but the second step—creating a thesis statement—is even more important. Ask yourself, “What do I want to say about this topic?” Asking and then answering this question is vital to forming a working thesis statement that is precise, forceful, and confident.

Look at Table 12.1: Topics and Thesis Statements for a comparison of topics and thesis statements. The first column lists a topic. The second column answers the question, “What do I want to say about the topic?”

The first thesis statement you write will be a preliminary thesis statement, or a working thesis statement. You will need it when you create an outline for your essay as a way to organize it. Write the thesis statement at the top of the outline to keep yourself focused as you decide how to organize the body of the essay. You will make several attempts before you devise a working thesis statement that is effective.

As you draft your essay, you may find that the working thesis statement was too broad or too narrow. Don’t be afraid to revise the thesis statement as your essay evolves! It is very likely that your thesis statement will evolve throughout the writing process. You will revise it as you write and revise the body of the essay. Each draft of the thesis statement will bring you closer to the wording that expresses your meaning exactly.

Elements of a Strong Thesis Statement

A strong, effective thesis statement has six qualities:

1. 1. Specificity: A thesis statement must concentrate on a specific area of a general topic. As you may recall from Chapter 10, the creation of a thesis statement begins when you choose a broad subject and then break it down until you pinpoint a specific aspect of that topic. For example, health care is a broad topic, but a good thesis statement would focus on a specific area of that topic, such as options for individuals without health care coverage.
2. 2. Precision: A strong thesis statement must be precise enough to allow for a coherent argument and to remain focused on the topic. If the specific topic is the options for individuals without dental care coverage, a precise thesis statement must make an exact claim about it, such as that limited options exist for those who are uninsured through their employer. The thesis statement should pinpoint what the essay is going to discuss regarding these limited effects, such as whom they affect and what the cause is.
3. 3. Arguability: A thesis statement must present a relevant and specific argument. A factual statement often is not considered arguable. Be sure your thesis statement contains a point of view that can be supported with evidence. Students often misunderstand the terms argument and argue as they apply to essays. These terms have a different connotation in daily life (think about arguing with your sibling!) than they do in reference to academic essays. In the thesis statement, an argument is simply the central message of the essay. In reference to the body of an essay, the term to argue simply means to support the thesis.
4. 4. Demonstrability: You must be able to provide valid reasons and examples for the argument presented in the thesis statement. In post-secondary courses, you will often be required to consult research sources to demonstrate that what you assert is valid. A worthy argument is backed by examples and details.
5. 5. Forcefulness/assertiveness: A thesis statement that is forceful shows readers that you are, in fact, making an argument. The tone is assertive and takes a stance that others might oppose.
6. 6. Confidence: In addition to using force in your thesis statement, you must also demonstrate confidence in your claim. Phrases such as “I feel” or “I believe” actually weaken the readers’ sense of your confidence because these phrases imply that you are the only person who feels/believes the way you do. In other words, these phrases suggest that your stance has insufficient backing. Take an authoritative stance to persuade your readers to have faith in your argument.

Five Pitfalls to Avoid When Writing a Thesis Statement

Now that you have learned about how to create effective thesis statements and have seen examples, take a look at five pitfalls to avoid when composing your own thesis statement.

• Common Pitfall #1: Merely Declaring a Topic

  A thesis statement is weak when it is simply a declaration of your topic or a description of what you will discuss in your essay.

  Example: My paper will explain why imagination is more important than knowledge.

• Common Pitfall #2: Merely Stating a Fact

  A thesis statement is weak when it contains an obvious fact or something that no one can disagree with or provides a dead end.

  Example: Advertising companies use sex to sell their products.

• Common Pitfall #3: Too General

  A thesis statement is weak when the statement is too broad to be managed in a short essay.

  Example: The life of Pierre Elliott Trudeau was long and accomplished.

• Common Pitfall #4: Making an Unsupportable Claim

  A thesis statement is weak when it makes an unreasonable or outrageous claim or insults the opposing side.

  Example: Religious radicals across the country are trying to legislate their puritanical beliefs by banning required high school books.

• Common Pitfall #5: Using Inflammatory, Disrespectful, or Otherwise Unprofessional Language

  A thesis statement is weak when it contains language that makes the reader doubt the writer’s objectivity and credibility.

  Example: Mayor Findley is an inept twerp who must be ejected from office immediately before his stupid policy has this city overrun with drug addicts and crime.

The Thesis Statement and Essay Structure

Very often, a thesis statement will offer an indication of the type of essay and the structure (organization) of the body paragraphs. For example, the thesis statement of a classification essay is likely to introduce the categories that will be examined in the essay.

• Example: Psychologists have identified four main parenting styles: neglectful, permissive, authoritative, and authoritarian.

From this thesis statement, we can tell that this essay will classify parenting style into four categories. We can tell that the essay will have four body paragraphs, each focusing on one category or type of parent. We expect that

• • the first body paragraph will focus on neglectful parents
• • the second body paragraph will focus on permissive parents
• • the third body paragraph will focus on authoritative parents
• • the fourth body paragraph will focus on authoritarian paragraphs

Thus, the thesis statement tells us not only the destination of the essay (the classification of parents into four types) but the road map of the essay (how the body paragraphs will be organized).

Let’s look at another thesis statement:

• Example: Although both permissive and authoritarian parents have the best interests of their children at heart, the two types of parents differ in their approaches to communication and rules.

What type of essay do you expect from this thesis statement?

The thesis statement mentions a similarity between permissive and authoritarian parents, and it also mentions two differences. Therefore, based on the thesis statement, we expect this to be a compare-contrast essay.

How many body paragraphs do you expect the essay to have based on the thesis statement? What do you expect the focus of each paragraph to be?

It seems likely that this essay will have three body paragraphs, each focusing on a similarity or a difference between the two types of parents:

• • The first body paragraph will focus on a similarity: both types of parents want the best for their child.
• • The second body paragraph will focus on a difference: the two types of parents have different approaches to communication.
• • The third body paragraph will focus on a second difference: the two types of parents have different approaches to rules.

Let’s look at one more thesis statement:

• The authoritative approach to parenting is superior because it promotes self-regulation, intrinsic motivation, and self-confidence in children.

What type of essay do you expect from this thesis statement?

The thesis statement asserts that one parenting approach is superior to the others, and it lists reasons for this stance. Thus, based on the thesis statement, we expect this to be an argumentative essay.

How many body paragraphs do you expect this essay to have based on the body paragraphs? What do you expect the focus of each paragraph to be?

It is likely that this essay will have three body paragraphs, each focusing on a reason that supports the claim that authoritative parents are the best parents:

• • The first body paragraph will focus on one reason authoritative parenting is superior: it promotes self-regulation.
• • The second body paragraph will focus on a second reason authoritative parenting is superior: it promotes intrinsic motivation.
• • The third body paragraph will focus on a third reason authoritative parenting is superior: it promotes self-confidence.

Revising a Thesis Statement

You already spent some time developing a working thesis statement, but your thesis will probably evolve as you write your essay. Working thesis statements become stronger as you gather information and form new opinions and reasons for those opinions. One of the last steps in the process of writing an essay should be to revisit your thesis statement. After you finish revising your essay, revise the thesis statement to reflect or match exactly what you ended up discussing in the body of your essay.

The best way to revise your thesis statement is to ask questions about it and then examine the answers to those questions. By challenging your own ideas and forming definite reasons for those ideas, you grow closer to a more precise point of view, which you can then incorporate into your thesis statement. To revise your thesis statement, follow these steps:

1. 1. Identify and replace all nonspecific words, such as people, everything, society, or life, with more precise words to reduce any vagueness.

   Working thesis: Young people have to work hard to succeed in life.

After writing the body of the essay, the writer reviews the working thesis and realizes it is too vague. To identify more specific terminology, the writer asks the following:

• What age group does “young people” refer to?
• Does “young people” refer to all young people, regardless of education?
• What does “work hard” mean?
• What does “success” mean?

The revised thesis makes a more specific statement about success and what it means to work hard. The original includes too broad a range of people and does not define exactly what success entails. By replacing general terms like people and work hard, the writer can better focus their research and gain more direction in their writing.

• Revised thesis: Recent college graduates must have discipline and persistence in order to find and maintain a stable job in which they can use and be appreciated for their talents.
• 2. Clarify ideas that need explanation by asking yourself questions that narrow your thesis.

  Working thesis: The welfare system is a joke.

After writing the body of the essay, the writer reviews the working thesis and realizes it is too broad. The welfare system is a broad term referring to dozens of agencies and programs that serve millions of Canadians. Also, joke means many things to many people. Readers bring all sorts of backgrounds and perspectives to the reading process and would need clarification for a word so vague. This expression may also be too informal for the selected audience. By asking questions, the writer can identify a more precise and appropriate explanation for joke. The writer should ask questions like the 6WH questions introduced in Chapter 4: Asking Questions:

• What does joke mean in this context?
• What specifically is wrong with the welfare system?
• Who is affected by the problems in the welfare system?
• How can the problems be solved?

By incorporating the answers to these questions into a thesis statement, the writer more accurately defines their stance, which will better guide the writing of the essay.

• Revised thesis: Canada’s Income Assistance program should provide families in need with enough funds to live and do so without morality clauses that lead to feelings of lower self-worth and shame.
• 3. Replace linking verbs with action verbs. Linking verbs (such as is/are, do/does, has/have, can, appears, seems, smells, sounds) provide information about the subject, such as a condition or relationship, but they do not represent any action.

  Working thesis: British Columbia’s school teachers are not paid enough.

The linking verb in this working thesis statement is the word are. Linking verbs often make thesis statements weak because they do not express action. Reading the working thesis statement above, readers might wonder why teachers are not paid enough, but the statement does not compel them to ask many more questions.

After writing the body of the essay, the writer reviews the working thesis and realizes it is weak due to the lack of an action verb. In order to replace the linking verb with an action verb and thus form a stronger thesis statement—one that takes a more definitive stance on the issue—the writer asks the following:

• Who is not paying the teachers enough?
• What is considered “enough”?
• What is the problem?
• What are the results?
• Revised thesis: The British Columbia government claims it cannot afford to pay its educators sufficiently, which has resulted in job cuts and resignations in a district that sorely needs highly qualified and dedicated teachers.

To learn more about linking verbs, refer to Chapter 24 in Part 6: Writer’s Handbook.

1. 4. Omit any general claims that are hard to support.

   Working thesis: Today’s teenage girls are too sexualized.

First, what does sexualized mean? Does it refer to having sex? Does it refer to how girls dress or act? This term is too general to convey useful information. Also, even if the term sexualized is clarified, the claim itself is too general to be valid. Even if it is true that some teenage girls are more “sexualized” than in the past, surely it’s not true for all girls. Many girls do not engage in sexual activity while in middle school and high school.

After writing the body of the essay, the writer reviews the working thesis and realizes it is much too general. To help in the process of making the thesis statement more specific and clear, the writer asks the following:

• Which teenage girls? All girls?
• What does it mean to be “sexualized”?
• What constitutes “too” sexual?
• Why are they behaving that way?
• Where does this behaviour show up?
• What are the repercussions?
• Revised thesis: Teenage girls who are captivated by the sexual images on MTV are conditioned to believe that a woman’s worth depends on her sensuality, a feeling that harms their self-esteem and behaviour.

A thesis statement that is specific and clear will help your reader understand the purpose and central message of your essay.

Evaluating the Effectiveness of a Thesis Statement

Let’s put together everything you’ve learned in this chapter into one checklist that you can use to evaluate and revise the thesis statement of an essay.

• • A standard essay structure includes an introductory paragraph, at least two body paragraphs, and a concluding paragraph.
• • After gathering and evaluating information for an essay, the next step is to write a working, or preliminary, thesis statement.
• • A thesis is not a topic itself but an argument about a topic.
• • The terms thesis, argument, stance, controlling idea, and statement are often used interchangeably in reference to the central message of an essay.
• • A strong thesis challenges readers with a point of view that can be debated and supported with evidence.
• • A thesis statement is a sentence that clearly states the argument of an essay. (In longer essays, a thesis statement may be more than a sentence long.)
• • A strong thesis statement is specific, precise, forceful, confident, and demonstrable.
• • An effective thesis statement often indicates the type of essay and the mode of organization.
• • A working thesis statement expresses the main idea you want to develop in the entire piece of writing. It can be modified as you continue the writing process.
• • Revise your thesis by ensuring all words are specific, all ideas are exact, and all verbs express action.